It's OK Not To Wear A Bikini

Summer is almost here, unless you live in the south then you get to have it all the time.  But up here in Minnesota it's like a sacred flower that only blooms (literally) for a few months until eternal winter comes back.  I have noticed that Target, Rachel Hollis (whom I love) and basically EVERY female on instagram is SHOUTING to the sky that, yes, women of all shapes and sizes CAN AND SHOULD wear a bikini.  I see it and hear it everywhere I go and that's fine because IT IS TRUE.  But I wanted to tell you, that if you aren't comfortable in one, you don't HAVE to wear one.

I have recently come to terms with the fact that I have NEVER been comfortable in a bikini regardless of how great or how bad I look in one.  I used to be 105 lbs, banging curves and a body that I was never thankful for.  Around this time, I was on the island up north with my dad, enjoying a nice summer day.  That night, we went to the bar, as we usually did.  A guy sitting next to me said "OH, YOU are the girl in the red bikini."  As a youngster, my initial reaction was that I was proud of my body that I didn't work for.  Proud of how it looked and proud that boys noticed.  But that one comment, has stayed with me because it had nothing to do with my character or the person that I am, just the skin I am wearing in this life.

I reflect on that one experience along with all of them combined and realized that I have NEVER EVER felt secure wearing bikini's.  Yes, I have posted pictures of myself in them on facebook and instagram (and of course only when I have thought I looked good, because facebook is like cosplay but for life and not an actual reflection of real life).  I wanted to write this blog for a while and thought that I should likely take those pictures down because this would make me a hypocrite but life isn't linear so they stay up.  Comfort levels aren't linear either.  I have looked good and I have looked flabby.  My skin has broken out (like right now) and it's been perfectly clear.

My point of writing this is that, everyone who feels bombarded by the "you SHOULD wear a bikini campaign" should know that not wearing one doesn't make you any less of a wonderful person then you all ready are.  Great abs don't make you kind.  Stellar gluts don't make you thoughtful.  Swim wear doesn't define you and being able to fit into sit swimwear (which gets skimpier every year) is not a reflection of the person that you are.

Enjoy yourselves this summer in a way that keeps your character safe!

Medication Reaction: I Thought I Was Dying

This winter I decided to start taking Spironolactone and Yasmin for a couple months.  I'd been on them before and thought nothing of it.  I figured they'd do what they are supposed to do, one to quiet down my ovaries and one to clear my face, because my face being 90% clear of acne wasn't good enough......

After 2 months, I jumped up my spironolactone intake from 25 mg to 50 mg because my body wasn't responding the way I "wanted."  Both of these doses are "baby doses" by dermatologist standards, who also use this medication off label.  It's actual use is a diuretic to treat high blood pressure and fluid retention.  A month after I had upped my dose, I felt chest pain.  I thought, maybe it's just a tight muscle or two, nothing I can't handle.  Then I noticed that my entire mouth of teeth were in pain and hot cold sensitive.  After that came the stomach pain and EXTREME anxiety.  I've lived with anxiety my whole life and I can generally sort it out on my own without the help of medication.  At this point I could not make it through cooking a meal for my family without crying and desperately trying to follow directions that I could not remember.  That night, Evan fell asleep on my lap. He never does that and this little voice, disguised as my own, said "you are going to die tonight, that is why he fell asleep on you."  That was when I knew that these two medications were interacting and I needed to stop immediately.  Don't worry, I'm not and never have been suicidal.  I see an amazing therapist.  And please don't say "well you should just stop thinking that way."  Anxiety and thoughts like that are not ME.  Anxiety is like getting a text message from someone else while you are just trying to live your life and it sounds like you, in your head, but it's not you.  It lies, all the time.  It informs you of the worst possible scenarios, all the time.  It's typically wrong, all the time.

I turned to the doctors and they said "those two medications don't do that."  I even told my allergist this and she retorted the same thing.  It felt like I was crazy and everyone around me was telling me that "yes, you are crazy."  I finally called a pharmacist and the intern said "oh yes, those two medications can interact and can cause those side effects.  It may take your body over a month to regulate it's hormones again so expect the side effects to continue on for a while, despite the medications half life."

FINALLY!!!!  Finally someone who could tell me something that knew ANYTHING!!!!  I searched the internet up and down for blogs and only came across ONE with women all discussing the same anxiety side effect of spironolactone.  No one discussed the mouth pain but they all talked about the side effect of anxiety.

Throughout February and March, I kept grinding on the right side of my mouth to "see" if the pain side effect was still there.  But by the time the side effect pain was gone, I'd developed new pain.  TMJ pain from stress and anxiety.  As for now, the anxiety is gone.  The stomach and chest pain is gone.  My heart rate has returned to normal.  My right jaw joint is swollen but I suspect this will mend itself with a lot of time and self care.

I needed to blog about this.  Not to complain about western medicine because there's a time and place for everything, but to place this all in writing in case some day, someone has the same problems and finds this blog.  I wanted to put this out there on the internet in case someone else needs it.
The true hero in this is actually zinc.  Zinc by MegaFood has naturally done more for my skin then anything I've ever gotten from a dermatologist.

My brain is happy, my skin is happy and I am truly so much happier then I was when I started doing this to myself.  In fact, I have never loved myself more then I do right now. I am back to myself again and I can laugh again.

Autism is Autism is Autism

When Evan and I go to the park I generally do not tell other parents that he has autism.  Mostly because he plays well with other kids and I don't feel like I owe anyone an explanation.  Sometimes he has moments with other children where he doesn't respond so I explain to other peoples kids that sometimes he just doesn't respond because he's playing with his Mickey Mouse.  Then I'll tell the parent that he has autism and I almost ALWAYS get the same question......

Does he have Asperger's?

via GIPHY

It's not "technically" called Asperger's anymore.  I assume that those people who ask this question, do not know the entire history of Autism and all those involved in it's changing definition.  I also assume that they don't want to hear the entire history or have time to hear it either.....

Here's what I think people are trying to ask:
How functional is he?
Is he predictable or is he going to do socially strange things at this park?
Does his autism affect him a lot or can he just play like a normal kid?

I have recently decided to move away from calling Evan "high functioning" because he has high and low functioning moments in life similar to everyone else.  Some times they are related to autism and sometimes it's because life can just suck a little.  If you are reading this and thinking to yourself, "I don't have low functioning moments in life."  Well..... I beg to differ.  Read: Sneaky Hate Spiral.  You and I BOTH know you've cursed the wind or just cried in your car because life sucked.  It just isn't possible for even a normal to be high functioning at all times so don't lie to yourself LOL!   I just cursed the rain yesterday.......

Here are GOOD questions to ask random parents you've never met, whose kids have autism:

What does he/she like to do for fun?
Does he/she have a favorite teacher in school?
Does he/she have a favorite book?

You can even ask autism children these rousing questions and you might get some really cool answers or no answer at all!  My child will willingly discuss cars with strangers.  In his mind he owns a Hyundai and a Honda.  He starts my car before we leave for school every day. But just asking either one of us says so much more to us than the first question because all these question say the most important thing: I want to understand you more.

Autism doesn't define a person.  It just summarizes and generalizes some of their struggles.  I have anxiety but no stranger ever asks me "Do you have anxiety?"  "How's your anxiety today?"  Well, I hate bugs and Evan got mauled by gnats so I'm a bit put out (said lightly, I've bug sprayed the yard repeatedly and make him wear deet to play outside) about that but it's not really defining my day or my life.

Autism: What I Think You Should Know

I haven't blogged in a long time because... I just haven't wanted to.  I ran a marathon. My son got an autism diagnosis from school 2 years ago.  I kept running because the endorphins are addicting and it makes me feel like I'm trying harder in life.

This past week I attended the Autism conference and got to hear Steve Silberman speak.  I really hate celebrities but I DO love and look up to people who contribute to society and animals.  Steve is my celebrity. Temple Grandin, Chris Ulmer, my friends at SeaWorld who are fighting for animals and the list goes on.

Steve put in the time and research and wrote a history book for people with autism.  If you take a look at ALL the history books out there, how many are there on autism?  How many? Yet we can find books on black history, women's history, white people bringing diseases to America history (lol I had to, it's the truth).

Do you even know how many people HAVE autism?  1 in 64.

Unless you live like a hermit, you've encountered an autistic person in your life and most likely without even knowing it.  And yet, where are the marches for their rights?  Where is the outcrying for help for adults with autism?  I don't see it.  In fact, insurance companies will actually DROP autistics who do not show fast enough improvement using ABA by a certain period of time.  It broke my heart to hear adults with autism speak about their challenges in society as well as hearing Temple Grandin and Steve speak about the lack of assistance and rights that they have.

I like to describe my son as having a "beautiful brain."  Some people are blessed with beautiful looks and some are blessed with a beautiful brain.  The irony is that the beautiful brained people are the ones coding for Google so the "normals" can waste time on irrelevant shit like the Kardashians.  And yet those beautiful brained people are still, STILL fighting for their place in society. Teach your kids about autism.  Show them this video done by Sesame Street.   If it's worth it to you to march or be concerned for anyones rights then you should be equally concerned about the rights of the autistic community.  It's not that they should conform to the "normals" social ways but that the normals should be asking "how can we make our society a better place for the autistics to thrive?"   Don't be afraid of children lining up toys or obsessing over switches, vacuums or cars.  Don't be afraid of the adult rocking back and forth in public.  Don't treat these people and children like outcasts and outsiders.  I find the autism community to be freeing.  They aren't comparing their clothes to mine or their hair or makeup.  I actually put makeup on to attend the autism conference and by makeup I mean I put some 2 year old foundation on my face.  

 Hearing Steve and Temple speak has been one of the highlights of my year (Def Leppard and Miranda Lambert, watch yourselves). I can now present this book to my child when he's old enough to read and process it and say "Here, here is YOUR history.  Here are those that came before you that had beautiful brains."  My only regret is not being able to afford the entire Autism conference this year both in time and finances.  I can't say enough how important it is for society to read this book and educate themselves on Autism with facts. As a non-autstic person, it is ALL of our jobs to normalize autism.  How can we expect the autistic's to fight for themselves when many lack the social skills to do so.  It's OUR job to fight for them.   I will ALWAYS fight hard for society to make a place for my son.

Growing up at the Zoo

You know how in life it's a lot easier to take for granted the things/places/people that you are the closest to?  Maybe you don't tell your parents you love them often enough.  Maybe you get so excited about a new job that you forget to be thankful for the one you have.  We have been to SeaWorld twice and I blogged about it here and here. We had an amazing time each time we went.  Like I said though, we've only gone twice.  We visit our home zoo, the Minnesota Zoo, almost once a week! We've been doing so for over a year now.

Part of my major inability to blog about it is simply that I haven't been sure what exactly to say.  Marine life is great but it isn't the only life we should care about.  It occurred to me that I've basically been raising my child at the zoo, without really paying attention or being totally aware of it.  It's so easy to get caught in the moment and the day to day that you forget to stop and really appreciate it.

When he was 25 weeks into my tummy, my husband took me to do a dolphin encounter and it was incredible! I knew that I needed to involve the zoo in Evan's life as much as possible.  We received our zoo membership as a gift for his first birthday and I had no idea how much he would love it. The fall of 2013, we started our weekly visit to the zoo!  I noticed right away that Evan made a new connection almost every time.  As soon as he became strong enough to run, a stroller was old news for us.  This past year and a half, we have rarely made it past the Tropics Trail, Minnesota Trail and Grizzly Bears but we enjoy it every time we go.

My point is this, bring your little kids to the zoo!!!  Even though the little ones may not be able to ask the questions or even look at an animal for more then a few seconds, they are learning.  That small learning seed is so important for creating future conservationists.  You don't have to be a zookeeper or marine mammal trainer to help conserve.  Teaching kids to care at a young age helps them to get motivated to do the small things like recycle or help out the animals in their own back yards (Foxy Bunny). Every time we go, Evan attempts to say more of the animals names and remembers those names.

So without further any further rambling, here is our past year and half at the zoo! Yes there's lots of similar photos (he loves the bears and the river otters) and yes it's very difficult to get a photo of a moving toddler and a moving animal!

Thank you Minnesota Zoo for taking such great care of the animals and providing us with a place to learn and be inspired!

A Night Alone: Toddler Edition

In case you didn't read A Night Alone, you probably should.  Back in those days, I pictured myself with a child that could sleep 10-12 hours straight like other peoples kids.  I would get 8 hours of sleep and even have a little me time to book end the nights.  I might even be ready to create a new spawn. This is how I'd wake up every day:

FABULOUS!  Obviously.

Evan will be 2.5 years old in a week and I can count on one hand the amount of times he's slept for at least 10 hours without disruption.  I know what you are thinking.... it's all my fault.  I didn't sleep train him, blah blah blah.  Well, you are wrong.  He's sleep trained.  He just choses not to eat enough food during the day.  Well, try offering food to this kid when he's busy and this is the response you'll ALWAYS get:

Andy was out of town last night and this is how it went down. 

8:30 PM - Toddler is placed in bed after eating 1 hotdog, 1 banana and 8 ounces of milk.

1:30 AM - Toddler fusses, he's HUNGRY.  Of course.  Grab toddler from bed and give him milk - 8 ounces.  Put toddler back to bed.  

2:15 AM - MY STOMACH says "Hey, remember me?!  Oh you don't?  Well, now that you are engaging in physical activity (working out). I'm hungry so feed me because you aren't going to sleep until you do!"

2:16 AM - Make a peanut butter sandwich because that's all I'm capable of doing.

2:18 AM - Go back to bed with sandwich and gatorade because I need to wash it down. 

2:25 AM - Finish said meal and lay awake trying to fall back asleep.

5:45 AM - Toddler wakes up again.  Soaked in pee and hungry again.  Go get milk, a diaper and wipes.

5:50 AM - While changing toddlers outfit and refilling his milk tank, the dog jumps off the bed and stares at me. But I'm tired so this is what it looks like to me:

6:00 AM - Toddler reluctantly goes back to bed.  He's had a long night and I want to take him to the zoo without bad attitude.  He fell back asleep.

6:05 AM - Dog NEEDS TO GO POTTY AND EAT!  Take care of it other wise she'll lay on my face.

7:30 AM - My body finally says "enough, wake up and stop being lazy."  This is what I'm doing in bed, however I look much less fabulous.

 

I know I only have one child and one dog but I'm unwilling to pencil in another living thing into this nighttime parade of needs.  Besides, I'm too busy getting myself ready in 10 minutes and trying not to blow something up before Evan wakes up.....

Foxy the Bunny

Yesterday, Saturday, I was doing something slightly vain.  I was trying on a new swim suit, which did not fit by the way.  FYI target juniors sizing is not at all equivalent or even near the women's sizing and I am a woman, not a junior.  Anyways, I happened to take a quick look through the egress window and noticed something moving in the leaves.  I walked over to take a closer look and it was a BABY BUNNY!!!!! Cottontail to be exact.  I have always enjoyed bunnies.  There are soft and even cuddly.  They are friendly and personable and can be litter trained.

We have gone to "Hoppy Hour" at the humane society several times to watch them play with each other.  Andy likes bunnies too.

This one gnawed on his shorts and it was funny!  

We have had previous experience with small, wild bunnies.  A few years back we found one because Abby was playing with it (she was not trying to kill it).

I was ready to keep it.  How can you NOT feel that way?  They are so precious!

We didn't know what to do so we brought the bunny back to where Abby found it and left it there.  This is not at all what you should do.  This one was a little larger and very mobile but probably still needed it's mother.  Well.... sadly, a few days later and really early in the morning we heard noise coming outside our window.  Andy got up and ran outside to chase a fox away.  He saw that it had taken with it, a baby bunny. :(  RIP little bun bun.  

This time, I was CONVINCED I would do RIGHT by this baby.  I call the The Wildlife Rehabilitation Center of Minnesota after we rescued it from the egress window. The said to locate the nest.  No big deal, I can try that.  Come to find the nest is RIGHT next to the egress window!!  Wildlife FAIL.  Why is this mother bunny doing this to me!  The instructions were as follows: dig a nest close to the old nest and use mama's nesting material to bury the bunny (as they do).  Mama bunny comes twice a day at dusk and dawn to place a big threaded X over the nest where the bunny is.  If the X is moved, mama came back.  If not, mama did not.  Check to see if baby is still there.

Bad nesting spot mother bunny.

New nesting spot complete with buried baby.

Immediately in the morning I run out to check and mama has not come back.  It had rained all night but the nesting material kept little Foxy (named in memory of baby bun bun) dry and warm! I refuse to give this one up to the foxes. So, we rush baby Foxy  over to The Wildlife Rehab Center.

And off baby Foxy is to veterinarian care AND bottles of bunny milk.

It was sad to leave the little bugger because my gosh aren't they cute!  I involved Evan in the entire process though and even applied to volunteer there.  Who wouldn't want to bottle feed baby animals right?!  We hopefully saved little Foxy's life and now we know that a small fence around the sides of the egress window is necessary since mama bunny had a major lapse in nesting judgement!

The Real SeaWorld Experience: Toddler Edition

Taking a toddler out of the house is a challenge, at least my toddler anyways.  If you don't have kids here's a trusted tutorial on what life is like: Parenting Illustrated by Crappy Pictures. Last fall we planned on attending my second cousins wedding the weekend after Christmas.  We had to abruptly change our plans due to unforeseen circumstances so I picked Orlando!  I planned Evan's second trip to SeaWorld!

The flight down was a total nightmare.  I "thought" Evan would nap on the plane.  He has napped in his car seat before. I was wrong. So very wrong.  He screamed for at least an hour.  My head was in my hands, silently questioning what I was doing and sort of wishing we were still home.  I was trying to keep myself together.

Once the nightmare was over, we were able to get him to his happy place right away: the pool.  The following day we were up early and on our way to Discovery Cove.

THIS was our view!!!!

We were ecstatic and Evan was enthralled watching the dolphins!  He spent the first part of the morning playing in the warm water.  Once I got in, I spent my time with CJ, a bottle nose/common dolphin who was quite the chatterbox! Swimming with him made me feel as though I was flying! At the end, they let Evan join us in the water.  I'll let the picture do the talking:

His little mouth couldn't have been opened any wider!  We were all in love and I was so thankful that Evan was able to touch them! 

Childhood dream to scuba dive-actual scuba license+Discovery Cove SeaVenture= PROBLEM SOLVED!!!

At the end of the day and almost time for the park to close,  I didn't want to leave.  Before we left, a little moment happened between a dolphin toddler named Finn and a human toddler named Evan:

This day could not have ended on a better note!  The animals are so well taken care of and so happy.  We all left with smiles on our faces and all I could think of is how I cannot wait to bring Evan back here!

Our second vacation day was spent at SeaWorld.  We spent the first part of the morning with the dolphins and that was a little rough for Evan as he's a plan maker, not a plan follower.  As a mom, I usually anticipate the worst and hope for the best.  He was interested in the dolphins again however he had his own agenda in mind.  We took a break to regroup and I was a bit nervous that our penguin encounter would be rough.  

Prior to this, we tried practicing with stuffed penguins.

Not too bad but we discussed the whole "don't grab the beak" concept prior to the real deal. Finally, it was time to meet Skippy and Sherlock!

And yes... he did try to ride Skippy.  But most importantly, his little heart has now found a love for yet another species.  We all fell in love with them!  None of us had ever discussed penguins at least not nearly as much as we discuss orca's and dolphins.  My entire family couldn't stop talking about them!  Andy and I even raced back to SeaWorld (thank you mom for watching Evan's monitor), one hour prior to park close, ran all the way from the entrance to the Antarctica ride and spent the last moment of our day watching the penguins!!

After the penguins we decided to walk over to see if we could see any orca's as we knew Evan's nap time clock was ticking!  As luck would have it, we stumbled across a technical rehearsal for One Ocean that quite literally started right at the moment we arrived!  Evan has been watching this on DVD for the past year.  He was THRILLED! He spent the entire time jumping up and down on Andy's lap!  He was over the moon with excitement and promptly crashed for his nap before we even left the gates!

Our last park was Aquatica.  I knew this would be a hit as Evan loves the water.  It was a great way to cap off our time at SeaWorld.  Evan played his heart away in the water while Andy and I randomly snuck away for some adult time.... WATER SLIDES!!!!  Evan even stalked out a mallard who quickly left the scene.

At the end of the day another little special thing happened!  Evan started trying to walk like a penguin.  I KNEW that this experience would stay with him just like the last one and he had expanded his love of animals to include penguins! 

The toddler penguin waddle:

SeaWorld has done such a tremendous amount for animals and conservation!  The employees take their job seriously, the animals seriously and most of all, SHARING these animals with all of us very seriously!  A few people who read my first blog The Real SeaWorld Experience  asked me if I'd seen Blackfish.  Yes, I did. If your child has an ear infection, who would you talk to?  A pediatrician of course.  If you need legal advice, who would you speak to?  A lawyer.  If you want to learn about orca's, dolphins, penguins, sea turtles, sharks and all other sea dwelling creatures, who would you ask? SeaWorld.  A $10 movie will not buy you a cheap education and you should question everything!  You should do your OWN research and not let someone else do it for you.  I guarantee anyone affiliated with SeaWorld parks will answer your questions.


Below is a photo montage of our trip.  It is viewable on mobile device via this blog or computer on my youtube station, just not via youtube from a mobile device. FYI :)

You may ask yourself, as I often do, how can I help the ocean when I don't live anywhere near it?  First off, visit your local zoo and ask!  Most zoo's are more then willing to tell you how you can help and many have volunteer opportunities: Association of Zoo's and Aquariums.

You can adopt an orca and contribute to the continuing education and research of orca's:
Whale Museum
World Wildlife Fund
Vancouver Aquarium

You can adopt dolphins here:
World Wildlife Fund
Pacific Whale Foundation
Oceanic Society
Ocean Conservation Society
Adopt a Wild Dolphin

You can adopt humpback whales from numerous recourses:
World Wildlife Fund
Pacific Whale Foundation
Whale and Dolphin Conservation 


All of these are ideas you can do as a family!  We have a zoo membership and visit all the time.  The more interactions children have with animals, the more they love them and want to care for the world we all live in.  Yes SeaWorld parks also has fun things like games and rides because kids need to expense energy.  But at the end of the day, it's all about fostering the relationships between animals and people to secure the future of our planet. Let me take you with us on our SeaWorld parks adventure and I hope you too will fall in love with the animals as we did!

By the way, Evan did not cry one single tear on the flight home.  We truly did leave our vacation on top of the world!

That's Home To Me

Everyone has that one place growing up that makes them the happiest, a secret garden, if you will.  A place where there are no bullies or homework or sadness or sickness.  My secret garden was the condo in Breezy Point, MN.  I call it Brainerd, BRD, Peqout Lakes (home of the famous bobber water tower)!

I was raised going up north almost every weekend in the summer.  My father worked at the airport so he brought my mom and I with.  I am an only child.  My parents purchased a condo right next to Breezy Point Resort.  We Minnesotans go up north ALL summer, almost every weekend.  It's a way to get away from the busy city life and not have to get on a plane, because that's expensive and why do that once a year when you can go up north EVERY WEEKEND!!!!!  We deserve it too.  Our winters are tough.

Being "up north" I could be anything I wanted and do anything I wanted to do..  I could pretend to be a marine biologist!  I tried to save all the minnows from certain death only to use them as fish bait later.  I snorkeled for clams and brought them back to the condo where they spent the weekend surviving in a blow up tank full of lake water.  Dad always made me throw them back.  I jumped in and out of the pool a million times!  I screamed "MARCO...... POLO" at the top of my lungs while playing with my up north friends.  I went fishing when dad left me at the condo for a few hours and said "don't fish while I'm gone, you'll catch a bull head."  I caught that bullhead and had to wait for a kind fisherman to take it off for me..... Minnesota Nice!!!! I spent many weekends at Paul Bunyan Land and was there for the last weekend that it was open. I brought and still bring my close friends up north.

At 20 years old I found myself getting married and divorced in the span of 3 months.  At 21 I decided to work on my night moves, thank you Bob Seger. I met some boys (summer flings) because of my awesome night moves. I made a lot of friends. I introduced Andy to the wonders of Northern Minnesota (his family has a place in northern WI, tisk tisk!!).  We spent 7 years dating and going up north. We got married up at Maddens.  It was on of the BEST DAYS of my life!!  I love it up north.  Whenever I think of moving away from Minnesota, I just can't do it.  I'd sell my childhood home but I'd never stop going up north.  Ever.

So, here is my life.  These are the moments that make me the happiest.  Growing up and going up north!

Side Bar: NOT free of sickness.  In 1993 my family and I were devastatingly ill from Wild Rice Soup at Norway Ridge.  We all thought we were going to just die.  We didn't and have since been back although it took 15 years to go back to that restaurant again......

The Real SeaWorld Experience

In the wake of Blackfish and all the extremists (both for and against SeaWorld), I feel compelled to write about SeaWorld and how it affected me, a normal person.

In 1990, my parents brought me to San Diego and we went to SeaWorld.

For a 9 year old, I was BLOWN AWAY and immediately in love.  I fell in love with ANIMALS, almost all of them.  I didn't touch the dolphins at the touch pool because I was afraid that I'd scratch them.  I spent 10 years regretting it and wishing I would have touched one.  

I went home and my room was filled with animals (birds, hamsters, fish).  I adopted a humpback whale.  I spent hours researching and reading books to understand how to take care of my animals with the best food, living conditions and enrichment.  I was nine years old and learning how to research, getting excited about books and loving animals in the best way a 9 year old could.

The Bird Station:

 The Fish Station:

Fast forward a really long time (2011) and my husband and I take a trip to Alaska.  Obviously, the only thing on my mind was this:

SPEACHLESS!!!!!  DREAMS CAME TRUE!  9 Hours on the ocean watching birds (there was a bird watching group on the boat) and all other animals. I fell while running to the front of the boat in Seward to see them.  I wanted to shout I LOVE YOU and freak out because they just let us watch them.  

BEST. DAY. EVER….. Or so I thought.

Fast forward again (2013) and now I have a 7 month old human being that I am responsible for rearing to be an intelligent, respectful, kind person.  We find ourselves at Sea World Orlando. 

This activity is safe and he's loving it. Loving it as in, going to jump in with the rays if we let him.

We graduate to a bigger activity.  All is well.  We are following rules!

This activity is keeping me on my toes slightly….  I'm nervous.

I'm thinking "let's take a photo of him before he freaks out at the cetaceans flying through the air and such."  He's 7 months old, that's what I fully expected.

So far so good… Not flipping out.  Oh yea, there's a show going on.  Hopefully he hasn't pooped or isn't hungry but I'm ready for those things like a thoroughbred at the gate. 

The end of the show came and this happened:

HE'S WAVING TO THE ORCA'S!!!! He has never waved at anything in his life!  I cried.  I cried because it was touching and I realized that my role/job is to ensure that he respects animals and the environment.  He doesn't need to love them like I do, but he needs to respect them.

We came home and I thought he'd forget about the orca's but I was wrong.

At 20 months old, he walks over to the DVD player, picks out One Ocean and brings it back to me.  He jumps into my lap and we sit and watch the entire thing.

Evan is turning two in May and we are taking him back to Orlando in April and back to SeaWorld.  This is what SeaWorld does along with everything else that they do.  They promote the love and respect for animals in generations of human beings.  They remind us that we don't need to be orca trainers to make a difference.  Pick up that lost dog on the street and help find it's owner.  Plant a plant that's good for the environment and maybe even something that bares food for you (I tried it last year, it was actually fun said the plant killer).  Teach your kids how they can positively affect their environment and how to CARE for it.  That's what SeaWorld taught me and what I can pass on to my child.

Side Bar: If someone made a movie of my life and all the things I've done wrong, it would be absolutely horrifying.  It's so easy to point out what people, institutions and organizations have done wrong as opposed to celebrating what they do RIGHT and how far we've all come.

Second Side Bar:  I'm absolutely shocked staring at the stats at how many people are reading this.  I wanted to put my experience in one place for a few reasons.  1-To remind myself how I'm going to explain the importance of SeaWorld to my son when he gets older. 2- So that others can know that it's OK not to side with main stream media.  SeaWorld isn't paying me.  

The comments below are a safe place for people to share positive feelings for the parks and their conservation/education efforts free of criticism and negativity!

A Night Alone

Andy leaves me for one night for work.  Just one easy night right?  Evan has been waking up only once lately so should be a giant N B D!!!!  NOT SO!  Not in this house.  At this point I am convinced that Andy's grandmother, who has Alzheimer's, has left her body and is hanging out around my house causing chaos and insanity.  Let me paint a picture.

To begin with the damn squirrels are EATING our pumpkin.  NO ONE else in our neighborhood has this problem.  On top of that, I have saved 3 random dogs from killing themselves because their owners couldn't keep them in their respective yards.  WTF animal kingdom?!

9PM: ALL living things are in bed.
935PM: Abby the dog decides to go for a random stroll around the house.  She NEVER does this EVER.  I get up and get her back to bed.
945PM: Evan wakes up crying.  He just ate an hour ago but he's hungry again.  SOMEHOW a level 3 nipple ends up on his bottle so he is FREAKING out.  I have checked all of his bottles so I have NO CLUE how this happened.
1030PM: He has eaten his entire middle of the night bottle so put him to bed, go get water ready for a formula bottle
1040PM: ALL living things in bed and bottles are ready
12AM: Evan is up and hungry again!  Give him 3 ounces of his medicine bottle and he chows it down
1230AM: ALL living things back in bed
330AM: Evan is UP again and hungry (yes I did give him two meals with solids the day prior) I actually have to shake formula so he is FREAKING out because he doesn't want to wait.  The dog now has NEEDS so let her out potty, feed her and clean off used bottles so I don't have to do it in a few hours
4AM: ALL living things back in bed
5AM: Evan's fussing but not for any real reason
6AM: Fussing picks up again for a brief period of time
7AM: GOOD MORNING WORLD!!!!!!

Meanwhile I look like the swamp thing had a baby with Elvira and the baby spent the entire time in the womb without sleep. I hate mornings alone too because I don't have anyone to play with Evan while I'm assembling bottles, medicine, vitamins and trying to pump out my engorged boobs.  Oh and when I am pumping, I have to entertain him but the only thing he really wants to do is grab the tubing which then causes the suction to misplace and well... that just hurts.

5 months!!

I can't believe my rolly polly crazy monster is 5 months old!!! I love him more then anything! I am so thankful that Andy and I went out of our comfort zone in life and had this big bundle of joy! I love being at home with him! Our house is slowly coming together. The leaves are beautiful and I'm still figuring out how to properly dress Evan... LOL!!!! T shirt onesies were so much easier! I have also come to conclude that I think I will have trouble stopping pumping because it is so DAMN rewarding to know I'm sustaining Evans life! Oh and I'm still doing Avon! I love it! Too bad I still have a rough time getting customers lol!

Pumping

Evan is almost 5 months old now! Wow! I have been exclusively pumping for him for that same amount of time. Pumping is HARD! FYI this is a low morale is low. I have documented my "station" and what Evan does when I'm pumping. Yes he gets the good stuff and I'm happy about that! I just really look forward to not doing this anymore! He's also sleeping like shit lately which makes for a tired, cranky mom.
I have learned a lot about pumping though! I can unclog a milk duct the old fashioned way! I can feed Evan and pump at the same time! I am not good at traveling and pumping so my life revolves around my pumping times. It's a major sacrifice but its worth it!
I learned they Evan won't breast feed because he has a lip tie which NO ONE told me! Two lactation consultants and nurses galore never even mentioned it...
I learned that I can pump 4 times a day and still have a decent supply.
I learned that Gatorade is my best drinking buddy.
I learned that I have the capacity to clean my equipment once a day so I bought 4 sets!
I don't need lanolin! Lol!!!
Evan is doing really well and I'm hoping that taking domperidone will increase the boob juice supply.

The HALF WAY point!

I DID it!  I lived through the half way point of this pregnancy to tell the tale!  And I got an awesome baby photo too!  NO, we do not know the sex.  Although, I'm very vocal that I think it's a boy.  I'm ok with whatever as long as IT is healthy!

Food: I CRAVE donuts and pastries and Kraft Mac and Cheese since Andy won't let me have any...

Weight: I've gained about 11-13 lbs depending on the day.  Not too shabby!

Nose: Some days are good and some are bad and that's OK with me!  It's not baby's fault that my body is so lame. I also found out that doing things that involve adrenaline like get laser hair removal help clear my nose out.  Now I know that when I go into labor, my nose may be good and clear up!

Boobs: Still feel like 2 bruised sand bags.  Yup, it's like pushing on a bruised sandbag.  Nothing sexy about that! 

Ultrasound: My doctor was on leave so we saw another doctor.  Have you seen Father of the Bride Part II and the scene where the young girl walks in and Steve Martin flips out because the doctor is young.  The doctor we saw for my 20 week was young and I thought... boy my dad would flip OUT if she delivered me.  LOL!!  Just like Steve Martin.  I'd probably be in a state of laughter hysteria!  Anyways, she was really nice and had nothing to report which was good! 
We also found out that I should be doing child birth classes in January however the hospital doesn't offer them and the clinic isn't sure why they haven't posted a January class....  I guess we'll be waiting patiently for that one too....  :)

Privileges:  When your nose produces this every day (75% of a box of tissue/day):

Then you do things like take advantage of this little privilege: Expectant Mothers Parking at work!!  Yup, I SO did park in this space with permission.  Don't judge me...  There are few times in life when you can take advantage of the "little things" and I feel that this is one of those times.  That and to be honest, they don't always salt the parking ramp very well so I would rather not fall on my ass.


Baby: Doing AWESOME!  Baby was breach at the time of the ultrasound but they move so much that I'm not worried.  Even if baby stays that way, it's ok by me.  I am VERY well aware that the only control I have is getting myself to the hospital when it's time to deliver. Without further blabber, I present our little baby!

Notice how baby is making SURE we know who is #1 and waving with the other hand!  Ugh, I wish I could just take this ultrasound machine home! This photo looks a little alien but the baby actually doesn't look as alien as I thought he/she would!  Yay, I'm SOOO excited!!!!  There were several times when the ultrasound tech would say "this is the ...., do you see it?"  Andy and I would look at each other and say "no..." and start laughing!  We even thought the stomach was the head at one point.  I always knew I'd be like Rachel on the Friends episode when she doesn't see the baby and flips out.  I just laughed instead of flipping out though!  Thank the LORD for 3D!  Sure helps people like us.  During the ultrasound baby was grabbing his/her feet and of course I said immediately that "it" has Andy's monkey feet.  I don't see that it has my crooked nose so that's good! Check out this picture too.  This REALLY looks like Baby is LOOKING at us!  It's probably just a reflection but it's pretty cool!

19 Weeks

I'm going to warn you... this is not going to be a very joyful blog!

Congestion:  My congestion has been horrible.  Let me rephrase.  I have requested MANY times to be placed in a coma until the baby is ready to pop out.  Because of my HORRIBLE nose, I am getting roughly 5 hours of sleep per night and this includes anywhere from 1-4 interruptions!   Honestly, I have never been more miserable in my entire life!!!!  This doesn't even compare to just feeling sick all of the time.  At LEAST I could still sleep and eat some food when I felt sick.  I really have no clue how I will make it through the next 4.5 months like this.  And YES I am thankful for being pregnant and whatnot but step into my shoes for 24 hours and see just how happy and chipper you'd feel!  My face hurts, my nose hurts and I generally cannot breathe.  My days and nights are consumed by the act of TRYING to breathe!!!!  I hate it.  If this doesn't change, then I probably won't have any more kids.  I cannot imagine doing this again, let alone having another kid running around the house that I'm chasing after.  So I'm going to give the Neti Pot one LAST try tonight. 

This is really all I have to blog about....  I can't think of anything else.  The acne is still bad but my need to breathe has far surpassed this issue.  As far as I'm concerned, look away if you don't like to look at me!  I don't really like to look at me either but oh well.  I think that this baby will be a on a pedestal for a LONG time.  Not only because it's mine but because it's birth will give me the ability to breathe again!

Belly Laughs

I'm dedicating this blog to all of the really funny things that have been happening to me. Ok fine, some of them haven't been very funny but God put me on this earth to find humor in everything! (If I ever doubted it, I went to my podcast of Joel Osteen and it went immediately to The Healing Power of Laughter.... told you so)

Where's the Parking???
Before I became pregnant, I always noticed the "Expectant Mother's Parking." Have you seen those? Those are the ones you always try to park in at the mall because they don't have a "handicap" symbol on the cement yet when you think you've victoriously found a close spot where you KNOW you can get in the mall without getting robbed or mugged and you look up and there's a little stork with a sign that says "Expectant Mother's Parking."See image below:

Well, these little parking miracles are suddenly no where to be found.  I'm sure this is God's way of saying "get off your ass and walk... lazy" (as I grab for my coffee loaded with creamer). I haven't seen these and I've even gone looking for them.  Sad that I actually admitted that, but I have.  Have YOU ever parked at the Mall of America??? It SUCKS!  OK, I'm VERY aware that I'm 15.5 weeks pregnant, barely showing and definitely capable of walking even running anywhere I need to go.  My justification: my nose runs all the time.. shouldn't I get SOME benefit!  Yes I should and it's called: PREGNANCY SAFE MEDICATION dumbass.  I'm sure if I even tried to park in one of those coveted spots, I'd get screamed at by someone who is visibly pregnant.  I should probably be thankful that I haven't done that to myself yet.

I can't breathe....
This doesn't sound funny but to me, it is.  If you saw my trash cans (FILLED with tissue) you'd probably laugh or say "can't you fix yourself" or feel bad for me.  The dog is in heaven.  Imagine if the best part of your day was getting in the trash....  You'd be in total dog heaven too.  Well, can you believe that I have found humor in it???  Some people at "work," who shall not be named, cannot stand my nose blowing.  I can tell because whenever I do it, they clear their throat.  Well, if someone blowing their nose is an irritant to you...  boy I hope they don't have any real problems!! haha!!  So, I secretly chuckle to myself and thank God I don't get so irritated by silly things or people in general.  By the way, if you are in Edina and need some allergy medication that's pregnancy safe....  I think my house now qualifies to be a pharmacy!

What should/can I wear???
One of the best laughs I've had is trying on "future" large stomach clothing.  It almost looks like your anticipating a bear belly.  I spent about 30 extra minutes trying on clothes I KNEW wouldn't fit in the store.  That or some shirts look like a big nap sack!  Try putting on both!  I'm at this goofy stage where I just started showing and my middle is getting thicker.  Sometimes I'll put things on "BB" (before baby) that I think I can still wear.  Boy do I get a rude awakening!  I can't even be mad or sad!  My pajamas are starting to get tight too!  It's just funny.  Maybe sometime I'll show you...

Sometimes you do get what you wish for!
For MONTHS I've been praying for a little boost in body temperature.  Well, yesterday, my prayers were answered!  I put on the normal amount of clothing I usually do, went out shopping with Andy and almost asked for an ice cream cone.  Our last stop was the fish store.  If you've ever been to A World of Fish, it's VERY hot in the store.  I walked in and just started stripping down to a t-shirt. Luckily, no one was around to see.  We were in sears and there were so many people I couldn't bring myself to take even my jacket off but I unzipped everything!  I even came home and noticed I didn't need a long sleeve T AND a sweatshirt.  However this DOES make the clothing issues a tad more difficult...  Andy's still adjusting too.  He always turns the heat up high and I'm how turning it down.  He's probably in HUSBAND heaven!

I have  BUSY week ahead so probably won't be blogging again for a week or so.