I. Just. Don't. Know....

Why would I start a blog with that stupidass title. Well, sometimes I just don't know! Lately I've been hating going to work. People have been crabby, the work load is out of control and things beyond my control are changing. You know how when you do something for a LONG time that has no internal value beyond a paycheck, your heart just feels empty????? I feel like I'm re-fueling my heart when I'm home hanging out with my puppy and Andy. I just have a hard time believing that that it's physically healthy to not feel fullfilled. I'm going to say something slightly shocking... I don't think a baby will fix this problem. Yes, a baby is a fast way to get out of work (for many people). But, you shouldn't have a baby because you want to run away from something! You should have a baby because you are ready to no longer be selfish and you feel like you have a lot to give to a baby. Although I say semi-frequently that I want to be a stay at home mom, I'm sometimes very unsure of it. I'm not sure that I'm REALLY ready. I don't want to be running away from something or be confused about not be fullfilled on a daily basis. So... do I want a baby... I. Just. Don't. Know..... But I DO know that I don't want to do it as a way to run from something. I need to find fullfillment FIRST. This wasn't exactly my most inspiring blog, but that's just whats on my mind :)