It's OK Not To Wear A Bikini

Summer is almost here, unless you live in the south then you get to have it all the time.  But up here in Minnesota it's like a sacred flower that only blooms (literally) for a few months until eternal winter comes back.  I have noticed that Target, Rachel Hollis (whom I love) and basically EVERY female on instagram is SHOUTING to the sky that, yes, women of all shapes and sizes CAN AND SHOULD wear a bikini.  I see it and hear it everywhere I go and that's fine because IT IS TRUE.  But I wanted to tell you, that if you aren't comfortable in one, you don't HAVE to wear one.

I have recently come to terms with the fact that I have NEVER been comfortable in a bikini regardless of how great or how bad I look in one.  I used to be 105 lbs, banging curves and a body that I was never thankful for.  Around this time, I was on the island up north with my dad, enjoying a nice summer day.  That night, we went to the bar, as we usually did.  A guy sitting next to me said "OH, YOU are the girl in the red bikini."  As a youngster, my initial reaction was that I was proud of my body that I didn't work for.  Proud of how it looked and proud that boys noticed.  But that one comment, has stayed with me because it had nothing to do with my character or the person that I am, just the skin I am wearing in this life.

I reflect on that one experience along with all of them combined and realized that I have NEVER EVER felt secure wearing bikini's.  Yes, I have posted pictures of myself in them on facebook and instagram (and of course only when I have thought I looked good, because facebook is like cosplay but for life and not an actual reflection of real life).  I wanted to write this blog for a while and thought that I should likely take those pictures down because this would make me a hypocrite but life isn't linear so they stay up.  Comfort levels aren't linear either.  I have looked good and I have looked flabby.  My skin has broken out (like right now) and it's been perfectly clear.

My point of writing this is that, everyone who feels bombarded by the "you SHOULD wear a bikini campaign" should know that not wearing one doesn't make you any less of a wonderful person then you all ready are.  Great abs don't make you kind.  Stellar gluts don't make you thoughtful.  Swim wear doesn't define you and being able to fit into sit swimwear (which gets skimpier every year) is not a reflection of the person that you are.

Enjoy yourselves this summer in a way that keeps your character safe!

Autism is Autism is Autism

When Evan and I go to the park I generally do not tell other parents that he has autism.  Mostly because he plays well with other kids and I don't feel like I owe anyone an explanation.  Sometimes he has moments with other children where he doesn't respond so I explain to other peoples kids that sometimes he just doesn't respond because he's playing with his Mickey Mouse.  Then I'll tell the parent that he has autism and I almost ALWAYS get the same question......

Does he have Asperger's?

via GIPHY

It's not "technically" called Asperger's anymore.  I assume that those people who ask this question, do not know the entire history of Autism and all those involved in it's changing definition.  I also assume that they don't want to hear the entire history or have time to hear it either.....

Here's what I think people are trying to ask:
How functional is he?
Is he predictable or is he going to do socially strange things at this park?
Does his autism affect him a lot or can he just play like a normal kid?

I have recently decided to move away from calling Evan "high functioning" because he has high and low functioning moments in life similar to everyone else.  Some times they are related to autism and sometimes it's because life can just suck a little.  If you are reading this and thinking to yourself, "I don't have low functioning moments in life."  Well..... I beg to differ.  Read: Sneaky Hate Spiral.  You and I BOTH know you've cursed the wind or just cried in your car because life sucked.  It just isn't possible for even a normal to be high functioning at all times so don't lie to yourself LOL!   I just cursed the rain yesterday.......

Here are GOOD questions to ask random parents you've never met, whose kids have autism:

What does he/she like to do for fun?
Does he/she have a favorite teacher in school?
Does he/she have a favorite book?

You can even ask autism children these rousing questions and you might get some really cool answers or no answer at all!  My child will willingly discuss cars with strangers.  In his mind he owns a Hyundai and a Honda.  He starts my car before we leave for school every day. But just asking either one of us says so much more to us than the first question because all these question say the most important thing: I want to understand you more.

Autism doesn't define a person.  It just summarizes and generalizes some of their struggles.  I have anxiety but no stranger ever asks me "Do you have anxiety?"  "How's your anxiety today?"  Well, I hate bugs and Evan got mauled by gnats so I'm a bit put out (said lightly, I've bug sprayed the yard repeatedly and make him wear deet to play outside) about that but it's not really defining my day or my life.

Autism: What I Think You Should Know

I haven't blogged in a long time because... I just haven't wanted to.  I ran a marathon. My son got an autism diagnosis from school 2 years ago.  I kept running because the endorphins are addicting and it makes me feel like I'm trying harder in life.

This past week I attended the Autism conference and got to hear Steve Silberman speak.  I really hate celebrities but I DO love and look up to people who contribute to society and animals.  Steve is my celebrity. Temple Grandin, Chris Ulmer, my friends at SeaWorld who are fighting for animals and the list goes on.

Steve put in the time and research and wrote a history book for people with autism.  If you take a look at ALL the history books out there, how many are there on autism?  How many? Yet we can find books on black history, women's history, white people bringing diseases to America history (lol I had to, it's the truth).

Do you even know how many people HAVE autism?  1 in 64.

Unless you live like a hermit, you've encountered an autistic person in your life and most likely without even knowing it.  And yet, where are the marches for their rights?  Where is the outcrying for help for adults with autism?  I don't see it.  In fact, insurance companies will actually DROP autistics who do not show fast enough improvement using ABA by a certain period of time.  It broke my heart to hear adults with autism speak about their challenges in society as well as hearing Temple Grandin and Steve speak about the lack of assistance and rights that they have.

I like to describe my son as having a "beautiful brain."  Some people are blessed with beautiful looks and some are blessed with a beautiful brain.  The irony is that the beautiful brained people are the ones coding for Google so the "normals" can waste time on irrelevant shit like the Kardashians.  And yet those beautiful brained people are still, STILL fighting for their place in society. Teach your kids about autism.  Show them this video done by Sesame Street.   If it's worth it to you to march or be concerned for anyones rights then you should be equally concerned about the rights of the autistic community.  It's not that they should conform to the "normals" social ways but that the normals should be asking "how can we make our society a better place for the autistics to thrive?"   Don't be afraid of children lining up toys or obsessing over switches, vacuums or cars.  Don't be afraid of the adult rocking back and forth in public.  Don't treat these people and children like outcasts and outsiders.  I find the autism community to be freeing.  They aren't comparing their clothes to mine or their hair or makeup.  I actually put makeup on to attend the autism conference and by makeup I mean I put some 2 year old foundation on my face.  

 Hearing Steve and Temple speak has been one of the highlights of my year (Def Leppard and Miranda Lambert, watch yourselves). I can now present this book to my child when he's old enough to read and process it and say "Here, here is YOUR history.  Here are those that came before you that had beautiful brains."  My only regret is not being able to afford the entire Autism conference this year both in time and finances.  I can't say enough how important it is for society to read this book and educate themselves on Autism with facts. As a non-autstic person, it is ALL of our jobs to normalize autism.  How can we expect the autistic's to fight for themselves when many lack the social skills to do so.  It's OUR job to fight for them.   I will ALWAYS fight hard for society to make a place for my son.

Growing up at the Zoo

You know how in life it's a lot easier to take for granted the things/places/people that you are the closest to?  Maybe you don't tell your parents you love them often enough.  Maybe you get so excited about a new job that you forget to be thankful for the one you have.  We have been to SeaWorld twice and I blogged about it here and here. We had an amazing time each time we went.  Like I said though, we've only gone twice.  We visit our home zoo, the Minnesota Zoo, almost once a week! We've been doing so for over a year now.

Part of my major inability to blog about it is simply that I haven't been sure what exactly to say.  Marine life is great but it isn't the only life we should care about.  It occurred to me that I've basically been raising my child at the zoo, without really paying attention or being totally aware of it.  It's so easy to get caught in the moment and the day to day that you forget to stop and really appreciate it.

When he was 25 weeks into my tummy, my husband took me to do a dolphin encounter and it was incredible! I knew that I needed to involve the zoo in Evan's life as much as possible.  We received our zoo membership as a gift for his first birthday and I had no idea how much he would love it. The fall of 2013, we started our weekly visit to the zoo!  I noticed right away that Evan made a new connection almost every time.  As soon as he became strong enough to run, a stroller was old news for us.  This past year and a half, we have rarely made it past the Tropics Trail, Minnesota Trail and Grizzly Bears but we enjoy it every time we go.

My point is this, bring your little kids to the zoo!!!  Even though the little ones may not be able to ask the questions or even look at an animal for more then a few seconds, they are learning.  That small learning seed is so important for creating future conservationists.  You don't have to be a zookeeper or marine mammal trainer to help conserve.  Teaching kids to care at a young age helps them to get motivated to do the small things like recycle or help out the animals in their own back yards (Foxy Bunny). Every time we go, Evan attempts to say more of the animals names and remembers those names.

So without further any further rambling, here is our past year and half at the zoo! Yes there's lots of similar photos (he loves the bears and the river otters) and yes it's very difficult to get a photo of a moving toddler and a moving animal!

Thank you Minnesota Zoo for taking such great care of the animals and providing us with a place to learn and be inspired!

A Night Alone: Toddler Edition

In case you didn't read A Night Alone, you probably should.  Back in those days, I pictured myself with a child that could sleep 10-12 hours straight like other peoples kids.  I would get 8 hours of sleep and even have a little me time to book end the nights.  I might even be ready to create a new spawn. This is how I'd wake up every day:

FABULOUS!  Obviously.

Evan will be 2.5 years old in a week and I can count on one hand the amount of times he's slept for at least 10 hours without disruption.  I know what you are thinking.... it's all my fault.  I didn't sleep train him, blah blah blah.  Well, you are wrong.  He's sleep trained.  He just choses not to eat enough food during the day.  Well, try offering food to this kid when he's busy and this is the response you'll ALWAYS get:

Andy was out of town last night and this is how it went down. 

8:30 PM - Toddler is placed in bed after eating 1 hotdog, 1 banana and 8 ounces of milk.

1:30 AM - Toddler fusses, he's HUNGRY.  Of course.  Grab toddler from bed and give him milk - 8 ounces.  Put toddler back to bed.  

2:15 AM - MY STOMACH says "Hey, remember me?!  Oh you don't?  Well, now that you are engaging in physical activity (working out). I'm hungry so feed me because you aren't going to sleep until you do!"

2:16 AM - Make a peanut butter sandwich because that's all I'm capable of doing.

2:18 AM - Go back to bed with sandwich and gatorade because I need to wash it down. 

2:25 AM - Finish said meal and lay awake trying to fall back asleep.

5:45 AM - Toddler wakes up again.  Soaked in pee and hungry again.  Go get milk, a diaper and wipes.

5:50 AM - While changing toddlers outfit and refilling his milk tank, the dog jumps off the bed and stares at me. But I'm tired so this is what it looks like to me:

6:00 AM - Toddler reluctantly goes back to bed.  He's had a long night and I want to take him to the zoo without bad attitude.  He fell back asleep.

6:05 AM - Dog NEEDS TO GO POTTY AND EAT!  Take care of it other wise she'll lay on my face.

7:30 AM - My body finally says "enough, wake up and stop being lazy."  This is what I'm doing in bed, however I look much less fabulous.

 

I know I only have one child and one dog but I'm unwilling to pencil in another living thing into this nighttime parade of needs.  Besides, I'm too busy getting myself ready in 10 minutes and trying not to blow something up before Evan wakes up.....